Analysis of Birdman at 3:36am
by Andrew Sedlack
The drapes are bloody and I can’t take them down.
I can’t take the drapes down because then people would see that the walls and floor and the big squishy armchair and the sad springy couch are bloody, too.
I can’t take the drapes down because I have a lot of bleach and a spray bottle of some other oxidizer that I can’t actually remember the name of but neither of those is going to be useful be because it’s a bloodstain and it’s not like I’m going to take the drapes down if I can’t clean them off why would you take the drapes down if you couldn’t clean them off I mean I understand that you might have other drapes but for God’s sake are you just going to leave the dirty ones in a pile on the floor or in the closet just because they’re out of sight doesn’t mean that the blood is gone.
I can’t take the drapes down because they’re my favorite color and now they look artistic because they have red on them in random, splattered patterns, and I want people to think that I’m artistic, that I paint and get paint on myself and other things because that is what artistic people do and I know this because I have seen artistic people and it it far from uncommon for them to have paint or other such pigments spattered, splattered, or smeared against themselves. Smeared is the most uncommon because when an artist smears something against them- selves it means that they didn’t care about how it was already or wanted to change it: if the artist just spatters or splatters something it is most likely that their limb or other body part simply was in between where the artistic process was occurring and the media they were trying to apply the pigment to the media not onto their limb or other body part and it merely adhered to their limb or other body part on accident. For the pigment to become smeared upon the artist, their clothing, or any other such articles, requires that the artist first comes into contact with the pigment somewhere by accident and then chooses to consider allowing it to smear because even though it will change the state of the work it will change it into something more appropriately artistic. Obviously, if this occurred by some mechanism other than accident and the medium itself was not the artist, their clothing, or any other such articles, then the agent could not have really been an artist, because they were intentionally applying pigment to themselves, their clothing, or any other such articles, and no artist would ever do that.
The drapes are bloody and I can’t take them down because of this.